I am writing a long story, because I want to emphasize the magnitude of what I was going through (for those going through something similar) and how much this materia did for me. I am currently in my Saturn return, and the lead up was brutal. There is a TLDR c:
During my 2020 spiritual awakening, I discovered that my entire life has been lead and shaped by fear. My body physically stopped allowing me to ignore it, I had some seizure-like panic attacks while driving, but still maintained that “I wasn’t anxious at all!!” This fear continued to multiply exponentially, as I had no safeguards. I started being able to acknowledge it, but fear was so woven into the framework of how I knew how to keep myself safe (trauma!) that I didn’t even know how to begin remove it without rethinking every single aspect of my entire existence.
Cue my existential crisis/nervous breakdown! That has been the last 5 years of my life in which my family fell apart, I experienced my first loss, I was diagnosed with autism, didn’t know where the f I fit into the world, and I truly wanted to end things almost every day. During a particularly difficult spell my mom bought me the Butter Ocean oil, my first experience with S+S materia, and it showed me a light in that seemingly endless dark when I truly didn’t know who I was or what was real. It helped me begin to imagine a better future for myself. I have done a lot of internal work, and seen some movement towards a better experience of life, but it has been slow. After making necessary external changes, moving house, and beginning to work (for realsies) as an artist I am finally in a safe space where I can delve deeper into my spiritual work, yet I still have been deeply struggling with that intense fear.
It’s been so frustrating!!! After all the hurdles I’ve made my way over (or through), I was comically stuck thinking that I was still in constant danger living on a very VERY safe and charming horse farm. Like it was actually so hilarious when I zoom out. It’s like a ACTUAL shadow was looming over me, obscuring all the work I had done and all the lessons I had learned, and I had grown too tired from just trying to stay afloat and alive to shoo it away. I am a bright sunny Leo stellium with a Libra moon, and for the first time in my life I was actually so terrified I had burned out my light for good.
In my desperation, I purchased a bottle of Butter Ocean tincture earlier this month for my birthday and take it internally (at my own risk) multiple times a day, because I figured if it says it’s best used with regularity, I am 100% certain I am one of the people that need that. I am so overjoyed to share that this materia has helped me begin to shift in profound ways!!!! I can say with confidence the shift would have not happened without it. It has helped color return to my world again.
Of course, after a lifetime of spiritual trauma it will continue to take time, but I am no longer afraid of my spark being lost. I feel seen by Butter Ocean, and it helps me see myself. I have incredible things to share with the world, I am so thankful I made it through, and I am reminded I will achieve everything I desire and more AND share that with the world so long as I tend to my softest parts.
I am eternally grateful for these offerings, I will note: when I was stuck in jobs that didn’t serve me/dangerous living situations, the effect was not AS profound. Though it did help me remember good things exist, because of the intensity of my situation I had to do work to find safe spaces for myself in the world. Now that I have, the Butter Ocean tincture is helping me integrate those lessons. I am brining myself in them, and it’s workingggggggg!!!!
I have also been using Deneb Algedi for the last year or so, and also purchased Fomalhaut at the same time as time as this tincture, as my Saturn is in Pisces and I have many lost parts of myself to delve into (and I’m on the spectrum and wondering if it will help me feel more ok with eye contact lol).
TLDR: if you experience any of the following; intense fear, inability to feel comfort/safety, hyper vigilance, disregulated nervous system, CPTSD, undiagnosed neurodivergence, hopelessness, loss of trust in the world, or anything related…
This could be for you. Don’t skip the internal/external work. Find a space that is safe, and Butter Ocean will do the rest. Will help you move towards better things if your environment is not safe, but in my experience the magic is greater after you have intentionally made efforts to contain and nurture yourself.
To Kaitlin and S+S, thank you for creating the stepping stones that are leading me towards the life I’ve always been meant to live. With the guidance of your materia I will also create some form of true and intentional magic to serve the highest good of all someday ccc: